Here’s the thing: I’ve been meaning to write a post for going on two weeks now. But it’s been busy, and so I’ve left a trail of half-written posts behind me. Here’s why that is a problem: life has a been a roller coaster, and every time I came back to finish one up, my perspective has shifted too much to continue my previous thoughts. We’re not talking slight fault realignment here, this is continental drift at its most basic.
Variously, this post was going to be about
– Figuring Out What You Want
– The Arbitrary Gift Of Being Blessed With An Amazing Family
– Life Moving At Warp Speed
– Plumbing Disasters In The Wee Small Hours
– When Embarrassment Turns Into Paranoia
– Taking Chances
– Dealing With Disappointment
– The Virtues Of Being Direct
As you might have surmised, I’ve covered a lot of ground lately.
There was a road trip complete with excellent advice: be explicit about what you want.
Then there was a brief respite at my favorite place in the world that gave me the mental space to sort out some important things.
When I returned, newly imbued with the certainty of what I truly wanted, I found myself face to face with it. And what did I do? I thought it was an excellent idea to have four beers on an empty stomach. That night l misplaced something really important (a durable good, although it would certainly be fair to argue that I also misplaced a good chunk of my dignity), and I can’t remember enough to know whether I screwed up any chance I had at getting what I want.
When things go awry, I very much get stuck in my head. It’s like my brain wants to churn through all the possible outcomes and decide how to deal with it…a veritable risk assessment. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but in interpersonal situations, it is ridiculous and an unfortunate liability. This where the paranoia comes in.
So where does that leave me? Constantly telling myself to chill out and stop worrying. I run more. I find myself taking lots of walks while listening to playlists designed to make me feel better, all the while being drawn out of my head by life going on around me. I’ve been taking lots of pictures.
The moral of this story? Don’t wait too long to post. Don’t let the paranoid part of your imagination get the better of you. Don’t forget to breathe. Don’t forget that life goes on, and what comes next is so often unexpected. Don’t forget that’s a good thing.